All Get What They Want...

Reflections on Kristin Lavransdatter

Things always work according to their nature. She has won her heart's desire; she has unwearying strength and endless days like a goddess. But length of days with an evil heart is only length of misery and already she begins to know it. All get what they want; they do not always like it. - C. S. Lewis

If only I could just get what I wanted, I would be happy.

It’s the human dream. It began in Eden, when Adam and Eve decided they were no longer happy with what they had been given, but wanted more. It has played out every day since in a million ways. “I want a bowl of lentil stew at any cost.” “I want that woman, another man’s wife, who is bathing on the roof.” “We want a king like the nations around us.”

For Kristin Lavransdatter, it was a man. It was one man that she wanted and that she would do anything to have. She would pay any price and risk heaven and hell to get him. When once her desires were awakened, when once they had a face and a name to them, no longer would reason or morality or custom or propriety stand in her way. Reading the first book of the trilogy is a clear picture of the lengths we all go to take what we want. It is a parent’s nightmare: that their beloved child will go astray. And yet every one of us is a sinner. Every one of us grabs at what we want, licit or not, and stubbornly expects it to make us happy.

At the end of Book One, Kristin has what she wants. The C. S. Lewis quote above is an apt summary. She has won her heart’s desire. But will she like it? The end of the traditional love story has occurred. Surely the happily ever after is the only thing remaining after a wedding between two love birds?

Kristin, when confronted with the reality of married life with her beloved, discovers all too quickly that things will not be the rosy, passionate, beautiful life she wanted. There is the lingering shame of illicit behavior becoming known. There are pregnancies and births and children, one after another. There is the management of the estate that has been neglected. There is the overwhelming realization that her husband is not the kind of man her father is. There are the many overlooked shortcomings in him that rise daily to the surface to cut and scratch and bite her. She begins to see that the thing she wanted turns out to be something that holds little happiness for her. And when once she finds something to dislike in her choice, she can’t let it go. She nurses and tends to the grudge until it grows wildly out of proportion. And isn’t that also the human story? When we are faced with the flaws of the people we love, more often than not we treasure them up inside like a dragon on his hoard, ready to use them as weapons when we have become angry enough. Kristin has the man she wants, she has the life she wants, and yet she can’t enjoy it because she can’t forgive the flaws and the strengths that she willingly accepted, with open eyes, when she chose him.

It is an especial temptation for women to think that the man they choose to marry is wonderful, and then to hone in on all of his flaws once the marriage has begun. And yet it is this unwillingness to love the whole man she chose that prevents Kristin from enjoying the thing she most wanted. Getting what you want turns out to have little to do with happiness. Virtue turns out to have everything to do with it. If Kristin had practiced the virtue of chastity, she would have experienced none of the pain and shame that haunts her marriage. If she had practiced the virtue of forgiveness, she would have found love and happiness aplenty in her life. She got what she wanted through illicit means, and liked it so little that she lost it.

We are always tempted to think that the virtuous path is the difficult, boring, and painful path. Sometimes it is. But the path of ruthlessly seizing what you want is deceptive. Quite often it brings nothing but misery. The road to happiness is the path of virtue. This book is an excellent picture of why. So many times we see Kristin at a crossroads, with a chance for real joy and happiness, and she turns and takes the easy but painful path of vice. It is such a moving story because we have all done this. Our desires are perhaps not the same as Kristin’s, but we have pursued our own desires just like she has. We have been discontent when given exactly what we asked for. We have been offered chances to do the right thing and chosen the hateful instead. No one in this story is perfect, and no one on earth is either. But in this book we see characters struggling with their desires and with virtue, we see the cost of getting what you want by any means possible. We see moments of great heroism and moments of utter depravity. We see that people can be great sinners and also great heroes. We see that there was always another option available, whichever choice the characters make. We see the need for forgiveness, over and over and over again, and the incredible freedom it gives. This is a very feminine book, in that the inner life and experiences of Kristin are those that all women can relate to in some way, and yet it has much to say to us all. Read it, not only because it is a simply incredible story, but also because it holds great truth in it. The path of virtue is the only path leading to joy. All get what they want; they do not always like it.