The Great Divorce Rate (and a Giveaway!!)
How do we cleave to family in a world in which divorce is more common than marriage? How do we as Christians raise our children to value marriage and family?
The greatest travesty to the twenty-first century is, without argument, the destruction of family in structure and function. Familial structure, as it exists within husband, wife, and children, has been decimated until even society struggles to stand without the solid shoulders of family to rest upon. Where there were once husbands to carry the weight of the world on their shoulders, there are now women who pull much less weight on their beaten, berated shoulders. Where there were once wives to lift up their husbands and encourage their children, there are now men who must juggle the responsibilities of a fallen world with attempts to lighten their family’s spirits. Where children were once taught to trust in their own domestic strengths and abilities, they are now taught that there is nothing innate about such skills; that they are born as unfit to marry and have children as they are born unfit to practice nuclear physics and its theories.
Yet this is simply not the case. Men, by being men, are made to bear on their shoulders the weights of daily life, while women, by being women, are made to bear the weight of their families on their hips and in their hearts. If our children grow up incapable of assuming these roles, or emotionally incapable of handling them, we ought to examine ourselves closely. Although pop culture, society, and our local communities may not be healthy influences on our children, the responsibility lies with parents to teach their child the meaning of family. This is the most despised secret of Christian life; family is automatic in a world where nothing else is. The modern world denies family as an innate, necessary part of life, while Scripture identifies family as the most fundamental authority in this world, and as the foundation of all life. No matter what else they may choose to do, your sons were created to excel as husbands, and your daughters as wives. In the very beginning, God created Adam and therein was his first decree of something ‘not good’; man being alone. Woman was created to fill that void through marriage; she as companion and child-bearer would ensure that man never be alone again. Children are free to grow, to search the world for what interests them, to develop skills and abilities, to choose their hobbies and passions. But they should do all of this with complete confidence that they know how to be a family, and that the family they create will be a blessed sight in the eyes of the Lord. This should not be something that even comes into question as they grow older and begin looking for a spouse. It is already burden enough to ask oneself “is this man/woman fit to raise my children and be my spouse?” How greatly we have failed if they also have to ask themselves “am I even fit to raise children or be a spouse?”.
How does this confidence come, though? How do we immerse our children so fully in family that it is the base and center of their whole lives? Simply. We immerse our children in family by actively being their family. Husbands and wives must stay together, and forgive each other, and uphold their vows to one another.
Mothers, be confident in your kindness, in your care. Show your daughters by your own actions that they were made to comfort, to care, and to create. Show them how to care for themselves, and how to care for others. Rejoice in your station as mother and wife. Don’t complain, but rather remember your marriage vows, and praise your marriage and your children.
Fathers, be upright in your business, and use your earnings for your family’s benefit, and put them and their wellbeing above all else. Show your sons that true men serve their families and will do anything to protect them. Show them how to be strong, independent men, and show them how much of a blessing they and their mother have been to you. Rejoice in your role as husband and father. Don’t resent it, but rather remember your wedding vows, and praise your wife and your children.
At the end of the day, the only way to teach children to believe in the permanency of marriage and in the beauty of having and raising children is by example. Children are smart, and they are perceptive. If they grow up seeing your squabbles and your stress, they will come to define marriage in those terms. All your fights and your frustrations are defining what marriage should be in the eyes of your children. But if you live a life of forgiveness in front of your children, they will not focus on your faults and your mistakes. If you live a life focused on thanks and praise for what you have been given, your children will grow up shaping their lives around the very same core. If you center your family life around Christ and his Church, your children will do the same.
And you will fail. There will be days you wish had never transpired, and sentences that you wish you never said. In those moments, you must be thankful for children. Children forgive, and they truly do forget. Children love their parents unreservedly, and they readily forget the faults of their parents, and focus instead on the sheer love their parents have shown them and one another. When you mess up, remember that your children forgive you, and so does your Lord.
Your children can grow up confident in their own abilities to be solid, unbreakable families if you raise them in such a family, and if you believe and tell them they can, and show them by example that you have cultivated a blessed family by and with the grace of God. And, finally, you can give your children the greatest defense against divorce by leading them to a spouse who will create a Christ-centered family with them. Raise your children to love and respect you and the relationship you have, and you will find that they will gladly ask for your help in the rotting world of modern relationships. You will find them willing to meet young men or women that you hold in high regard, and you will find that they are looking for a relationship like the one they grew up watching. Introduce your children to likeminded men and women, and help them find a family of their own. And then encourage them to do the same for their children.
This is not to say that there is a formula for perfect Christian marriage, or parenting. Our world is wrought in sin, death, and decay. These are the end times, and we are all plagued by the wreckage. If your marriage has fallen apart, if your children have turned away from you or from the faith, or both, fear not. God is with you. God is with your children and he is with your ex-spouse, and no matter where life has led your family, you can pray for them. You are called to pray for them. Be like the sainted Monica, who prayed for her son Augustine throughout his days of unbelief and unrepentant sin. Pray for those who no longer pray for themselves. Pray for those who have wronged you. When marriage and all else has failed you, cling to your Lord, who has not forsaken you.
Cling to your church, and to your brothers and sisters in Christ. In hardship and in happiness, stick together. Raise your children with Christian friends. Allow them to sit with you and your friends, let them cleave to the couples who also fill their marriages and homes with Christ’s love and compassions, that they too might be examples of how your children should grow to live and act. Surround yourself and your family with Christ and with His body, the Church, and you will have done all that you can to raise your children outside of the toxic, divorce-ridden world we live in.
Do not fear your failures, and do not fear your family. Instead, remembering the encouraging words of Scripture, take heart in this; God shows love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commandments. You are His chosen generation, and your family and your family’s families are blessed beyond measure. Do not fear, but rejoice in what God gives you here on earth, and trust in what He has promised to give you in heaven.
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